Classic tales from college - Part 1

"The dynamics of inter-being and mono logical imperatives in lady lecturers and
guys : A study in psychic transrelational gender modes".


There is a saying in tamil "Pennukku penne edhiri" -a woman's enemy is a woman herself.
How true!! Mother-in-law, sister-in-law , daughter-in-law, co-sister , the other woman - these are the most
popular in the enemy list.Thanks to Ektha Kapoor and satellite channels, everybody knows them.

But there is another breed, which is more subtle and least acknowledged outside the female community.
They are the lady lecturers in colleges.Guys, I can see u raise ur eyebrows. Ladies, I know u r with me.

Its after the first few months into college or after the first semesteror so. Everything is settled.
Territories drawn, boundaries established, kingdoms **ahem** cornered - in short u r enjoying ur fair share
of attention, when suddenly there appears signs of trouble on the horizon.
Suddenly there is a rise in the number of ppl attending lectures , chits (which have "How do u like Vitalstatistix" of A&o?
written on them)
are no longer passed to u [ hope now guys r clear that i was addressing gals above ] , flirtations in lab are almost
next to nil , nobody even asks ur notes and....u r getting the drift right?
BY the time u zero in on the reason - its the new pretty lady lecturer - its too late. One of the reasons,
we gals pick up this late is ,cuz we never in our wildest dreams could have expected competition from such a quarter.

I have no qualms in admitting that beautiful lady lecturers simply steal the attention from the poor class gals.
These lectures fall into three broad categories

1) mid-twenties
2) mid- thirties
3) mid-forties n above

Mid- Twenties:

These again can be classified into the married ones n not married ones.

These beautiful (oh yes..they are always beautiful..) mid twenties,after being a total failure elsewhere, decides to take
a shot at teaching the local engg college. Conveniently 55 year old Prof.Rangachari goes on a long leave in the middle
of the semester, becuz his wife is not feeling well. The college offers a temp post and Ms.Shettty steps in.
And thats how the saga starts.Even the lone gal in the mechanical engg dept,
throws her hands up in despair..

Suddenly all the boys go berserk,with their love for Fluid dynamics.Everyone attends the class,esp the labs.
The number of doubts raised in conducting the "Reynold's number" calculation experiment ,would have outnumbered the
number of doubts ever raised to Prof.Rangachari, in his 30 year teaching career.

Even after the labs, there is always a crowd 'waiting' to clear their doubts in lab calulations

One day she comes to class with her dupatta pinned neatly. We gals know what it means - a sleevless
salwar and she is trying to hide that - and exchange glances. Our instintcs have been honed over generations u see.

When Ms.Shetty attempt to write on the board, the dupatta fails to do its job leading to some revelation.
The collective sigh from the other sex almost choked the gals that day.

That day at

BOY'S HOSTEL:

Ms.Shetty wore a sleeveless today!(rolling eyes)

GAL'S HOSTEL:

Ms.Shetty wore a sleeveless today!(rolling eyes)

I am sure U know how to interpret the above.

These unmarried breed always wore salwar. They never wore sarees to class.

But the married ones wore sarees more frequently - Fridays, auspiscious days, functions etc etc.
These elevated the art of wearing saree to a new level. It was always neatly pleated, hip, back areas covered deftly.Not
a inch of skin to be seen anywhere. They were very careful with their sarees - wudnt walk too much on the dais that day,
one hand is always adjusting the pallooo and generally know the art of writing on the board.
Also, they shamelessly flaunt their newly acquired marital status - Sindoor, bangles , toe-rings etc etc, leading to
comments "Kuch bhi bolo yaar..shaadi ho gayo tho ladkiyan sahi dikthi hai" and slurping sounds,akin to u-know-who in
that Lambs picture.

Towards the end of the lacklustre semester, the only thing u look forward to is the class picnic.
Alas!That also is marred by the presence of Ms.Shetty. Initially Ms.Shetty refuses to grace the class picnic with her
presence. But the guys are adamant and give her the 'silent treatment' in class.Atlast Ms.Shetty has no choice(!!!)
and relents.Thankfully, the married ones politely refuse to come for the class picnic.Bless their husbands.(They are
always bald and pot bellied. Poor guy has to weather the baleful eyes which stare at him, when he comes to
drop his beautiful wife at college."Lucky bastard!!!!")

At the picnic day, the guys hover around her all day - carrying her bags, getting her water ,food, hanging over
her college picnic anecdotes- in all beaving like a puppy.
At the end of the day everybody is tricked into playing truth/dare.When its Ms.Shetty's turn and she chooses 'truth',
and the guy's pop the question which has been giving them sleepless nights throughout the semester.
"Ma'am..do u have a boyfriend?"
Ms.Shetty immediately laughs and says "Oh..please..somehting else.."
But the guys start chanting "Ma'am..please Ma'am"..
So Ms.Shetty looking all coy and all that says "Well..he is at the US now.We plan to get married when he comes down"
"Would u then resign and join him in the US ma'am?" - the puppies ask.
"Yes ", she says and blushes as if on cue..

This is followed by a mournful silence, while we gals silently spit at the melodrama.


Next semester, u hear that all the guys had been to Ms.Shetty's wedding reception (ofcourse none of the gals went)
and had presented her with a framed foto, taken at the class picnic.U breathe easily now...


Ofcourse , not for long...