Karuppan - Part 2

Part 2

Appa was as ever affectionate to us though.He would get chocolates and sometimes drop me in school.I was my happiest when he was like this.But even these were becoming rarer .Rekha was like amma. She never touched anything he got.She hardly spoke to him.Even when he made any attempts at converstaion, she would respond in monosyllables and move on.She was younger than me, but I felt she was a lot more mature than me.She never made a fuss or compalined about anything.

I felt as if I was the odd man in the house.Rekha, amma, Karuppan - everybody drew the line somewhere.It was I ,who kept wavering.Rekha and Karuppan had known only amma's affection from young. I ,who had enjoyed both for a brief period was constantly hoping for a miracle.But ofcourse, nothing happend.Appa's drinking binge and yelling continued.Sometimes he wouldn't come home for days.I knew he was going back to his mistress.

One day when Rekha and I were coming back from school, she showed me appa's mistress.She was very ordinary looking and there was nothing beautiful about her.As if understanding my thoughts, Rekha said ,"Do you think he goes to her for her looks...It is the otherway round..It satisfies his ego".Till that day I didn't know life was so convoluted and complicated.

Then one day appa stopped giving money for household expenses.Amma wouldn't take money from amchi or mama either.She started doing her old job.This only made appa pass more comments about amma's morality.Rekha and I stopped going to convent and went to corporation school instead.I hated it.If I had asked appa to put me through convent, I was sure he would agree.After all, that's what he wanted.Rekha was appalled at the idea and minced no words in telling what she thought about me.Amma didn't say anything about the matter.It was not that I approved what appa did, but I felt there was nothing wrong in compromising a little for some happiness.Amma nowadays smiled rarely.She was either away at work or busy with tutions.Whenever she had time, she would sit near Karuppan, just stroking his back or feeding him something.It was diffcult to say whom appa hated more - amma or Karuppan. It was always Karuppan,the target of his anger though.I was sure he wouldn't dare to hit amma.Maybe he was scared she wouldnt hesitate to hit him back.So he took out his vengeance on that poor thing.

She had been with the family for now almost 12 years and was as much a sufferer as us, maybe even more.I wondered what kept us all going and if we were destined to continue this way.Amma and Rekha were my emotional strength.I drew strength from them to keep going.I wonder what they did when they felt down.
One day when I was in first year college, I returned home to find athai*(1) and appatha*(2) sitting in the hall.It had been years since they all had come home.For almost many years now, appa had not been sending money regulalry to appatha..Appatha had come one day and yelled at amma saying she was the reason of her son's downfall.Her visit had ensured one long fight at home, when amma retorted back to appa for the first time.It had resulted in Karuppan limping, for appa threw a chair on her.

After that appatha had not come here for years.Appa was sitting on the floor and amma was by the kitchen door.When I entered, athai smiled at me and said "Vaadee..en marumagalae"*(3).I felt very uneasy at these people's presence and warm welcome.Amma signalled me to go inside.I went and sat on the bed. I could hear athai's voice booming.."So, what do you say..are you okay with this or not?".I could hear appa mumbling.I didn't know what the matter was.But whatever it was appa didn't like it.He was alwasy like this-bad at handling problems and trying to escape from them instead of facing them head on.

Just then amma said in a clear tone, "No, we are not interested".Interested in what I wondered.
Then appatha said "Don't interfere when I am talking with my son.Shanmugam (that was my father's name), give me an answer..I have told Parvathi's husband( my athai's husband), that I would not come back without fixing a date for the marraige".
It felt as though somebody was pressing a hot iron to my head.So that was what it was all about.Apatha wanted me married to Sundaram,athai's son.He was a good for nothing .He was almost 26 I think.He had not even cleared his 10th exams and managed a STD booth in village, which I suspected, my father had a hand in.I was aghast that they could even come up with such a thing.

Appa was again mumbling.It sounded something like "Let her finish college".Even appa didn't have the heart to get his daughter married to such a boy.Then I heard amma, "No.I am not getting my daughter married to somebody like Sundaram.Not now, not after she finishes college".The moment she said I knew it was the wrong thing to say.She was insulting his relations.This would just infuriate appa more.

I could hear appatha and athai shuffling to their feet. Appatha was yelling that she had never been so insulted in her life.Karuppa started growling at them .Amma tried to quieten him, " Karuppan..keep quiet".
It was athai this time."I don't know how you are staying with this woman.She is equating you to a dog and she is constantly insulting you by calling this b*tch Karuppan.I never thought the day would come when I would see my brother reduced to such a state.Even if you agree, I don't want anything to with the women of these house.I don't want my son become like my brother".Karuppan chased them to the gate.

I did not dare to even go outside.I was scared to even think about the outcome of this. When I went out eventually, amma was cooking dinner . Karuppan was as usual by the kitchen door.Rekha had not come back from school still.There was no sign of appa.I desperately wanted to talk about it.Amma was like as though nothing had happened.I wanted to cry out loud in frustration.God! doesn't that woman ever tire of being strong?

I narrated everything to Rekha when she came back."Good thing!..I am happy Karuppan chased them out.I wished she had bitten both the devils..the nerve of them", Rekha was furious.What else should I have expected!.Didn't anybody see what this open insult to him would do!.Rekha just brushed me off saying ,"oh..He will not dare to do anything..he is a coward".

Exactly !He was a coward.That's what bothered me.

When I was lying on bed that night, Rekha sat next to me and brushed my head gently.

"Oh..Rekha ! I am so scared ", I said.

She made soothing sounds.

"Do you think everything will become alright if I marry Sundaram.This might even help appa become nicer",I told Rekha.

"Don't be a goose Anu.Nothing can change appa.He suffers from a inferiority complex, which has no cure.Don't spoil your life for amma's life.Her's is already over.Yours has hardly begun.Don't become unnecessarily emotional", she hissed.

"Do you think we will be ever happy Rekha.Will we ever get loving husbands?", It was me.

"Ofcourse we will be happy.All are not like appa.I am sure you will get a nice husband, who will love you like crazy".

"I know I am not like you or amma Rekha.I am like appa.It scares me.", I was on the verge of tears.

"What nonsense.who said you were like appa..you are not anything like him", she looked like as if she was ready to hit me.

"I mean..I mean , I feel if amma were a little relenting everything would become alright.I sometimes feel if she were not so adamant we could be happy like old times..I get angry at amma even though I know, she is right and he is wrong!..that bothers me..", I started crying..

"God!..what a silly goose you are!.Anu..stop crying and look at me..I don't think amma being nicer to appa would solve the problems.Somehow appa has got it into his head that he is not good enough for amma and he desperately wants to prove that he is better.Even if amma were to bow to his demands, he would only demand more.Unless he realises that she loves him and had never thought otherwise there will be no end to this problem.", Rekha finished.

"But does she love him still?", I asked Rekha.

"I wouldn't know Anu.Maybe she does..or she wouldn't stay with him.I think she hopes he would change someday.", she replied.

"But how do you know she loves him ?", I was puzzled.

"She still calls that b*tch Karuppan..", Rekha smiled and went to sleep.

Glossary :

1) Athai : Father's sister

1) Appatha : Father's mother

2)"Vaadee..en marumagalae"*: "Come ..my daughter-in-law"